A Strange Circularity

I sometimes have correspondence with an old, dear friend named Tony who happened to belong to a "spiritual" group where I also was a member. This group had a teacher, a good man, a decent fellow, but someone with whom many became disillusioned as a spiritual guide or leader. The disillusioned folks left the group but many still maintain contact with one another, because we DID have a strong bond of love which survives to this day.

Recently, on a very small listserv moderated by a Catholic monk (a VERY dear fellow!) Tony and I had the following exchange. Tony had some observations that are representative of those that many of us have had, following our engagement with spiritual groups of one type or another. I responded and the correspondence is what follows:



--- Tony said:

I was looking up all the remarkable URL’s out there
so kindly provided by
Monk and I had this rather strange thought.

There is so much information and advice out there
about spirituality, the
spiritual search and spiritual practice.

There is masses of information on how to discipline
the mind, meditation
practice, spiritual practice, academic tomes on
mysticism to be read, dating
back to Grecian times.

Trudy said:

A dazzling array yes? I used to find myself totally
kerbobbled by reading a variety of spiritual books and
essays by teachers. Not only is there a plethora of
information, much of it is contradictory! Pity the
poor spiritual seeker who really wants to get the
spiritual gold nugget, but must sift through mountains
of verbal silt. Ack!


Tony:

I was also wondering about Mother Theresa’s inner
life that her recently
published letters reveal.
Searching for God who appeared to have left her.

Trudy:

*Now this is a very interesting case.
Publicly, M. Teresa was an icon of faith and deep
personal love for God. Privately, she suffered
tremendous doubts even to the point of doubting the
very existence of God; beyond simply doubting if she
were worthy enough to feel/receive God's love or
tangible presence.

What is boggling to me is that the Catholic Church
with it's pantheon of saints;( I mean this church is
nothing if not a Hall of Fame for saintly folks who've
really immersed themselves in the life of Spirit)
couldn't come up with anything better than the weak
responses from the priests with whom M. Teresa had
correspondence. These people have a treasure trove
of spiritual literature from some truly great and
insightful saints like Teresa of Avila, St. John of
the Cross, St. Francis, Meister Eckart, for godsake!
Why didn't they suggest that poor M. Teresa read the
thoughts and experiences of some of these other folk,
who like her, had experienced dry spiritual spells,
dark nights of the soul etc.......the spiritual desert
as it were? Is the Church THAT out of touch with its
own history and stellar clergy? Can't fathom this
one.

Tony:

I was reminded of my friend who had joined a gym.

She said that her goal was to get really fit.

I asked her about sport and physical activity. Did
she play any sport? No
she did not.

Was she engaged in any physical activity like
dancing tramping,
mountaineering, that required a level of physical
fitness beyond ordinary
everyday activities?

No she was not.

I was puzzled by this.

Then I realized what was puzzling.

She was engaged in getting fit, in order to get fit
to go to the gym.

There is the saying, “It is better to travel
hopefully than to arrive”.

Does all this spiritual practice, spiritual
discipline, all this searching
about just make for a more interesting search?

Trudy:


* For many I believe it certainly does.
For more serious others, I believe it does for awhile
and then they realize the fruitlessness of the
"search' per se. Being bereft is a benefit, if you
will, of the unfulfilling search. Once you get to
that place, you have the opportunity to question your
assumptions. You have the opportunity to questions
your beliefs altogether and perhaps for the first
time, take a virgin, pristine look at simply what IS.
Unencumbered by a set of beliefs or assumptions,
perception can shift. Maybe even, a person can get
out of verbal mind, and have a somatic experience of
Reality, hmm?



It seems to get folk better at searching.

If one had actually found what one was looking for
wouldn’t the search be
over?

Has the spiritual search become more important than
finding anything?

Or is it that one is not particularly happy with
what one has found?

Trudy:

*I think for a lot of people, this is
exactly the case. Death of cherished beliefs can be
hard for many and the risk is that they become so
disenchanted, SO disillusioned that they become bitter
and cynical, RATHER than becoming more wide open with
the bittersweet philosophical approach to life of "I
don't know."

My two cents.

Love,
Trudy



Tony