Well it's been quite a week. It has been an emotional high for me. Lots of tearing up and feelings of relief and I'll admit, some "payback' as I feel the power of my party of choice beginning to take over the White House. It feels so gooooooood.
What has simultaneously occurred is that people I knew in my former spiritual group/Sangha have contacted me within the past couple of weeks. Three of them I've not heard from in years. The commonality we all share now is some perspective at last on the circumstances which caused us to bail on this "spiritual" group. At first, we went through varying degrees of feeling traumatized and in need of space and healing.
My response was to remove myself utterly from the spiritual scene altogether. What I did for awhile was to attend an AA 12 step meditation group at Land of the Medicine Buddha in Soquel, near where I live. It was great; the people were inspirational but I felt out of place and a bit of an oddball, being that I've never been a drinker much at all, let alone an alcoholic. I just loved their vibe and the fact that they all were looking at their addictive behavior. Where does one find "Guru huggers Anonymous"? I was at a loss, so the meditation group was a stop gap measure. It served. Since I left that, I've not joined or participated in ANYTHING other than my beloved job, which has it own spiritual merits and benefits and my physical fitness program which also has similar benefits.
After hearing from my oldtime buddies I began to ponder once again, what is it that I've gained in my almost five years distant perspective on the whole spiritual game? (Realize that we all felt we'd been in a cultic situation, if not an outright cult). As I did my walk/jog in the redwood forest today (I know, I know, I'm a lucky duck to live here...) I was looking at what I'm left with in how I view the whole long strange trip it WAS. What has percolated up as bonafide Reality? What if any insight have I gained?
What came to mind was that what I trust, are those insights or feelings that reflect something Universal, something inclusive and wholistic. If there is a sense coming from any quarter of "All of this is ONLY God" or "Love is the guiding intelligence of my life", I can get with that. That feels trustworthy to me. Bob Marley's "One Love, One Heart, Let's get together and Feel Alright".....I can get with that. IF there is any personal reference or anyone making self congratulatory remarks about how great their revelations have been; how much wisdom they've gained, how, in ANY way, "special" they are....my B.S. detector goes "bzzzzzzzzzzt" and if it as if I am suddenly swimming in sharky waters and my instincts are to paddle AWAY man....and get to dry land!
So it's clear to me I've been successfully innoculated, FINALLY against the lure of these charismatic, spiritual "leaders" (Blech!) Yet it is refreshing and heartening to feel that, yeah, I can feel connected to the Unknowable Source, the Ground of Being and it's no-graven-image aspect feels supremely trustworthy.
Maybe there IS something to that biblical second commandment after all. Did I just make a biblical reference?? Yeah, I guess I did. Pssssssst...Chris Hitchens, I still love ya.....
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5 comments:
Well Truds it's nice to hear you say those things. We did indeed go through a wild time and there were many regrets....
I guess time has a way of clarifying things and I agree with your thoughts on just paying attention to more universal aspects.
One of my most recent encounters was at a music festival. David Bryne was playing and he was phenomenal. He played a few talking heads songs (and yes I see the irony in this....:)) and the vibe in the crowd was flowing with incredible intensity. I just basted in it and enjoyed being part of what was happening without questioning why or searching for deeper meaning.
A lot of people thrive on creating negative energy and poisoning the world with their ideals. Lately, I just try to deflect all that shit and be more aware of the positives that are sprinkled all around us everyday.
Scott...what a treat to have you orbit back into 'my' sphere. Synchronicity : ) David Byrne. wow. Heaven is a Place is an eloquent a pointer to universal truth as I know of. Especially live/vibe.
This so-called life gets messy, don't it? Camelot inevitably fades into the mists. Heros and scoundrels turn out to be the same human beings....don't shoot the message, huh?
There's a whole new crop of nonduality teachers sans the trappings of sanghas, emphasizing they're just regular folk. wonder how they'll fare...
xo boo
Hey sue! it is strange to be bumping into old friends again...
I always thought I would encapsulate the whole mess of darkness and leave it all behind. Turns out I needed some advice and Trudy was the one person I knew I should ask. And know I'm happy as punch that I opened that door. It's been kind of a relief actually.
Here's a little something for you.
http://tinyurl.com/6hf2nk
:)))
scotty!!! you just shattered me again...you understood (with that song) at a crucial moment and you remember, truly amazing.
yeah, we can't encapsulate can we, what is light and what is darkness? Love is sometimes very painful.
Whatever the circumstances, Trudy will tell you straight up. Beware if you don't want to get real, so obviously you did!
Funny how life is. On Thursday I have to get on a plane before the crack of dawn to fly in to Dallas and yada, yada...so I would have been thinking of you anyway...if you're up for a shitkicker wedding (my nephew) in Waco on Saturday, let me know! The bar band probably knows LA freeway, and at least one or two Talking Heads tunes....; )))))) Townes....iffy...you know these young kids...
Hey you two! Fancy meeting here, eh?
Scotty, sounds like a fun invitation, a shit kicker wedding in Waco? If I lived in TX and Boo asked me to go along, I'd be in there like swimwear.
Speaking of invites, Boo, are we gonna get together before your exodus Wyoming way? I recall some talk of meeting up in SF in the Fall.
And Scott, Boo is right about not being able to encapsulate the dark and light. I tried that and for awhile I could keep shit at bay, but when Pat died last Feb, (you DID hear Pat died didn't you?) I just went all melty again, called W and K to let them know and talked for ages to Sue Boo. The upshot? We decided that after all is said and done, the ONLY thing that was real, IS Real is the Love. I still love W like a mad dog. That's the bottom line. Doesn't mean I will ever see him again, or talk to him, but it was and is, the real deal Holyfield.
I still love alla you rascals, truly, madly, deeply. That was the whole point after all, wasn't it....
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