The Taboo Against Ecstasy

There is a taboo in this country.   There  is the buttoned down extreme conservatism co-existent in a schizophrenic relationship with no holds barred, vulgar lowest common denominator reality TV level degeneracy.    People imagine that because they have thrown off the shackles of traditional values taught in generations past, that they are somehow free.  There are those that imagine they are creating free art.   Lady Gaga comes to mind.   None of this is free.   None of the sports, entertainments, music industry output, filmography touches on the true Ecstasy of Existence itself.   We can be decandent all we like.   We can be Girls Gone Wild, we can do all manner of hedoism in the name of freedom and youth and rebellion.  But none of it is free.   None of it really delivers.   None of it gets at the ROOT knot in the gut.   The tightness in the chest; the always present stress, that within us that makes us tail-gate while driving.  That "thing" that is aching for release.   Sex momentarily releases some stress.  Thank God....and we often do.   But stress release, even of aerobic exxercise is still....not it.   Not it and we know it.   We sense it.  But there is no outlet to even articulate what it is we crave; our heart's desire even if we KNEW what it was.

I am going to suggest that there is a taboo against GENUINE ecstasy in this country.  You may NOT be ecstatic.    You may be enthusiastic.   You may be "stoked" if you live in California.   You may be overcome by emotion...say if you win the lottery.   A little bit of bliss is allowed.   In tiny moments.   At a wedding of your children.  At a birth of a child.  Some of the bliss bleeds through and it is allowed.   But all the time?  Are you NUTS?  Besides, what are you talking about?

It has been known by the ancients that there is within the human soul a need and deep desire to connect with the Source of all Bliss.  The wise of many traditions have known that BLISS is our very nature.   The wise in many traditions have taught that there are practices which open one to that very Bliss.....the Bliss, that "nectar of the gods" which is inherent in PRAISE.   That's right.  PRAISE....of the Divine.    Are you a scientist?  An atheist?   No worries.   Bow your head to Nature.   Kiss the feet of Oxygen.   Can you live without either?   You can at least praise the existence given you by oxygen.

The point is to dissolve into absolute ecstatic bliss though the praise and awakening love by singing and/or dancing our your praise and love to that VERY ONE.   Whomoever is your Cosmic Beloved, to that one  is due your praise and love.   It is not for the sake of that ONE in whom all is suffience and contains all opulences and excellencies....no it for the sake of US....to fulfill our heart's desire...to become utterly and completely given over to ecstatic, to be "beside ourselves" with Joy.   Joy, joy and more joy.  Loving whole-heartedly that which is whole-heartedly Love-able brings down the torrent of Bliss which is what we really seek in all of our paltry endeavors in the realm of "distraction." Behind very face, in every activity, we are really seeking the face of the Cosmis Beloved.  Don't you remember?

Defy the taboo.  Become ecstatic.   Get to know your true Self.

Sufis are one group who have always had a key to Divine Ecstasy.   I include this for your foray into breaking taboos.   Enjoy.  Love.

hey

When to Speak....or Not!

Boy. This is new territory for a gal like me, so used to speaking her mind! I have always been honest, sometimes to a fault. In innocuous ways this entails telling my hubby every salacious detail of a walk with our toddler, or the carnitas lunch I had at La Mission, the moment to moment progress of my sore toe etc. It also included stream of consciousness processing of my subconscious mindforms. Oh yes. Were you to be in my family, as my daughter or my husband, any random thought occurring to me, would make its way into YOUR brain. Several months ago, however, events conspired to alert me to the fact that, GUESS WHAT, not everyone is interested in sharing to that extent! I have really reined in, therefore, my tendencies to be "honest". I try very hard now, to not cross boundaries. Just as I do at school with my little ones, give space, observe, knowing that the less interference the better I now do at home. So that is a big Yippee!

At the moment I am looking at two situations in my life with two friends. One has a spouse who is being outrageous in some pretty socially unacceptable behavior and this friend is still in denial. Another is one who has gone back to a "dark side" spiritual teacher who really stifled and hurt her before; really crossing boundaries. This man does NOT treat people with dignity or respect whatsoever. She was so relieved to be OUT of the cult at one point and really found her voice again. Inexplicably she has returned. I've barely said anything at all regarding this turn of events, but did say one MILD thing and she has ceased speaking to me. I do have ways of contacting her if I choose, but I will not.

I'm holding my tongue in both situations. This is new territory. Wish me luck.

Abuse of Power in Guru Land

I'll make it brief for today. This was said my Adyashanti, a teacher I've seen a few times. Never became a 'student' of his, but I do appreciate his point of view. Especially here when he says:

"What I tell people is that if you’re seeking enlightenment, your good sense is vital. In fact, you’re going to have to learn to trust it more and more. I think people actually know early on when something’s off about a teacher, but they think they must be wrong, because an enlightened person can’t do any wrong. And that’s not true. Enlightened people can do wrong. They can do harmful things."

My comment: HELL TO THE YES!

How I Went from Miserable and Resentful to Blissful and Grateful in 12 Hours

It was March 11, 1981 and I was married to my second husband, Jeff, a fireman with the city of San Jose.

A little backstory: The marriage was just an “okay” match. We had fun sometimes, but there was a definite strain of competition in Jeff that I found baffling, being that I was his wife. If I accomplished anything of significance, or succeeded in an endeavor, rather than being happy for me he would say how he could probably have done it faster, better, higher, farther etc. This competitive “thing” with him was so bad that we couldn’t even play friendly board games or card games together. The last time we’d played Scrabble on a picnic by the Russian River, I’d won the game and he became so furious he took the Scrabble dictionary and threw it into the river, wouldn’t speak to me out of anger for hours.

Also I had my own baggage which I’d brought to the marriage, that being a lot of unfinished business with my mom which included heavy resentment over my childhood (she was a critical control freak who never let up from morning til night) and frustration about how she was still trying to manipulate my behavior and decisions based upon criticism and harsh disapproval. These two people were the closest TO me, other than my little 3 year old daughter. The combination of their influence in my life PLUS my poor skill level in dealing with either of them, left me in pretty sad shape. My response to be resentful, depressed, angry and irritable. Not fun.

This one particular day, March 11^th, I’d gone to my first appointment with a therapist I’d been to during my divorce from my first husband, Lee. Her name was Marge Weimer and I really liked her and trusted her completely. I was there because I could no longer stand the state of my “state”. I knew I had major work to do in order to process through all of the crap that was inside of me. It was pure “yuck”. Also I knew that therapy took quite awhile and would be no “enlightenment weekend”.

At that appointment I described to Marge how I was feeling and basically, other than a few folks, I told her I felt that “everyone is not REAL, nobody is REAL!” Marge, being the good therapist she is asked “WHO is not real?” I replied “I KNOW you are trying to get me to say that I am not real, but it doesn’t FEEL that way to me right now.” We talked a bit more about I don’t even remember, probably my list of complaints J and I scheduled an appointment for the following week and I left. My mood was black. I felt that I had SO MUCH crap inside of me and that therapy was going to take…well it felt like an infinite amount of time at that point, before I got anything TRULY resolved.

I went home to my husband and Sarah. She was playing in her room and I remember sitting on the sofa in front of the large picture window in our living room. Jeff asked me a question and I think I snapped at him. I told him also how I was feeling still so much resentment toward my mom. He sympathized in his way by saying “Well your mom is a shitbird….flying around shitting on everything!” Small comfort.

That night before we went to bed, Jeff told me that he had been fantasizing lately about going to Argentina WITHOUT me. He then said, he felt that if I didn’t change my behavior and attitude, that he felt he was going to want a divorce. SHIT! That just tanked me. Not that he was the love of my life, by any means, but it was the whole idea that I would have a SECOND divorce under my belt at the age of 28! What a failure I thought I was! I couldn’t bear what that indicated about me and facing all friends and family with ANOTHER marriage break up.

After I tucked Sarah in bed for the night, I went into our spare bedroom to be alone. I laid on the floor and just sobbed into the carpet. I cannot tell you how miserable I was. I was at the end of my rope, that’s for sure. I didn’t know WHAT to do, but having been raised Catholic I did have a vague idea that there MIGHT be a God, some benevolent presence. It had been LONG years since my experiences as a child which held me in spiritual thrall at that time. I’d almost forgotten all about that. Catholicism actually had sort of snuffed those feelings out. It sure hadn’t supported or reinforced those sentiments and realizations. So at 28 I had only a remnant of a sense of spirituality. Thank God for that I suppose. I was at rock bottom in that moment and not knowing what else to do AND feeling mighty angry at FATE, GOD whatever it was I said aloud “If you REALLY EXIST godammit, then you better show me, because I’m DYING down here!” I REALLY meant it, more than anything I’d ever meant in a LONG time. Then, I took a OTC sleep aid and went to bed.

I awoke at about 4:00 in the morning and immediately felt that familiar sick, heart-sinking feeling that I’d had before I went to bed. But now, in the quiet of the night, with ONLY my own psyche to notice, I felt something new; I wanted to die. Not that I wanted to commit suicide, I didn’t. What I wanted was for that hateful, resentful, sick-minded self to DIE, dissolve, disappear. This feeling was so strong that I had an instinctive “pulling away” from within. That is the only way I can describe it. In so doing, I felt within, a sensation like a earthquake, like a tectonic plate shift, a sensation like a crack within. The very next moment, IN that crack poured an Avalanche of LOVE, so much so much so that it blasted me wide open. Suddenly I felt totally awash in Love! An Ocean of love! Monumental waves of Love just washing through me in around me and in an INSTANT all of the resentment, hate, disappointment, confusion, depression was utterly utterly GONE!

I felt an tremendous Love for ME, from a Presence in my room. There was a presence which was loving me so completely that it dwarfed the idea of parental love. Imagine the most loving, most supportive, compassionate, adoring parental love you could possibly dream of and that love was like a thimbleful compared to an Ocean of the Love I was experiencing. This presence was loving me and I saw an image of myself like a newborn in a large pair of hands. Tears of love-bliss were streaming down my face, all I could feel was love. I was feeling love for absolutely everything.

The next thing that happened was truly amazing. I began to “see” faces of people I’d forgotten completely. I began to understand from the Presence in my room (telepathically) that these were all people for whom I had held some form of resentment in my heart. I saw myself as a baby in my playpen on the front lawn of my house and forming a resentment toward the bread man who was talking to my mom! The faces appeared faster and faster and as they appeared to my mind’s eye they simultaneously passed through my heart which was so filled with love, there was an instantaneous healing and blessing with that person. It was happening so rapidly it felt like warp speed until finally within mere minutes I was in the present moment and had healed everything with everyone in my entire life.

I began also, to have “Christian” teachings in my mind making sense to me. I heard “Father forgive them they know not what they do.” I SAW that anyone anywhere who did something unloving was MERELY AND ONLY because they were not feeling the love-bliss as I now was blessed to be feeling. There was NO judgment on this! NONE! The Divine mind was showing itself to me. I SAW and more than that KNEW that the entire idea of guilt was a manmade construct! I saw the nature of God was So totally LOVE that there was no room, no space, no thought of anything like guilt, wrong, bad. ALL of us were accepted and loved and adored and cherished just exactly as I was feeling now. To include EVERYONE, Hitler, Stalin, Genghis Khan, you name it! Everyone was precious and perfect and utterly cherished just as they were, in the Divine Heart/mind. The entire Catholic and Christian teaching about Hell was totally false. We could never do anything that could separate us from the total love of the Divine and we were always swimming in this Love but without knowing it.

For about two hours I just basked in the love bliss and my heart was so full and I felt so GRATEFUL I cannot describe it fully. Such gratitude. This knowledge felt more REAL than anything I’d ever felt before. Everything else, ordinary life was sort of stepped down, ratcheted down reality, or as Jesus put it to one of his disciples “veiled”. I laid in bed just meditating on the love in my heart in a blessed out condition until the sun came up and Jeff woke up. I said good morning to him and he said to me “Something happened to you!” I mean it was THAT obvious. I was just beaming with joy and love and light….even I realized I actually LOOKED different.

That day I looked around the world and everything was incredibly BRIGHT and colorful. So many bright colors! Where before things had literally looked dim and dull, suddenly life was an explosion of color and light! WOW! it was positively psychedelic. This lasted for MONTHS. Also for months, what occurred was that every morning at 4:00 a.m. I would wake up from “dreaming” that I’d been in a realm where myself and others and ANGELS had been singing or chanting love songs to the Divine. OR I would wake up from a dream where I had been on a boat with Jesus. Or I would wake up from a dream where I had been questioning Jesus about the Cosmos. Mostly I would wake up with the sense I had just been meditating in a realm with exalted beings such as angels, but not entirely angels. Just in an exalted realm above the human, that’s all I can say.

My relationships with everyone improved very much, as you might imagine. I had the impulse to run up to everyone and say “do you know how much God loves you?! You don’t even know! You are so loved!!” But, I restrained myself. J . Slowly the brightness of colors went more back to normal but not entirely. Slowly I began to be less of a bliss ninny, but again, no entirely. What didn’t come back ever, was poisonous resentment. Also, I totally lost my ability to hate. That never returned at all.

I was changed at the core of my being and I have been a basically happy person, an optimist and a lover ever since that day. The “formula” that worked for me was surrender and prayer. That is what it took in my case. Giving up, being at rock bottom and reaching out, even angrily to God/Source/Divine….fill in the blank with what has heart and meaning to you. IT the Heart, doesn’t care what you call it…..just THAT you call it.

As a side note, I kept my appointment the following week with my therapist Marge. I related this entire story to her and she asked if I would write it down for the meditation class she taught weekly. She said this was an experience that many of them were hoping for through meditation. After our session she walked me to the door and hugged me saying “I feel as if I have been in the Presence of an angel for the last hour. Thank you.”

Thank you for listening to my Leela. J

Can We Close the Zoos Now?

When Joelle was little (she is now almost 21) I used to take her to the San Francisco Academy of Sciences, Aquarium AND the Zoo each first Wednesday of every month. It was great because each first Wed. is FREE day and we'd pack a lunch and go with friends; the kids in strollers and the moms in sneakers.....we'd make a whole day of it. Many times, it would just be Joelley and me. The Zoo was a favorite.

At that time, I could sense the unhappiness of the animals in captivity, (the elephants were particularly depressed) but Joelle's sense of wonder, amazement, excitement and joy hit the "override" button for me.

I can see why at one time, zoos were the only way for children to learn about animals and get a sense of what they were like. At the SF Zoo, they used to have "Zoo Keys" which turned on a little tape recorder that played a brief recording on facts for each animal exhibit. It was educational. Then too, people were less sensitive to the effects on animals in captivity.

NOW, however we have Animal Planet. If you are a regular viewer, you can see just about any type of animal, up close, complete with all sorts of facts and simply spectacular footage. With all of this available, are zoos necessary? Are zoos humane, based on what we have learned about animals? Zoos came into being over 100 years ago. It is my belief that they are antiquated, far out dated and unnecessary. I hope they are all eventually closed as the current population of creatures dies off.

SUICIDE is a Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem

or Why the Supreme Court's Decision on Corporate Rights makes our Heroine want to stick her head in a Washing Machine on Extra Spin cycle INSTEAD of a gas oven. Part 1,613

Briiiing! Briiiiiing! Wake up Americans....time to wake UP! In case you've been inundated with only news stories about the weather (it's been raining...who knew!?) let me pass along a bit of important info: Your democracy now sleeps with the fishes. The SCOTUS has decided that Corporations (long legally considered to be 'individuals' by some pretzel logic known only to lawyers) have the right to free speech to the extent that their right to spend money on political campaigns is unlimited. Too late to kiss direct democracy goodbye...we never really had that, but now democracy, small "d" is done, over, kaput. Not only can corporations donate obscene amounts of cash to support their candidate of choice, they can spend gazillions of dollars to thwart, suppress, campaign against those candidates they do not want to have elected. Average, everyday Americans don't stand a snowball's chance in Hell now to run a political campaign. Unless they have corporate backing; sponsorship as it were. You want to run for office? You must become a product.

Future media broadcast: "Ladies and Gentlemen, the next President of the United States, Ms. Sarah Palin tm, a wholly owned subsidiary of Exxon Mobil will be inaugurated on January 20, 2013 in Google Plaza. The President Elect and First Dude have already moved into Halliburton House (formerly known as the White House) and have been settling in. Ms. Palin has been spending the past few days making plans for the redecoration of the Neimann Marcus room.

Those individuals wishing to attend the Inauguration must have their background checks processed and passports stamped by the office of Homeland Security no later than January 1st.

Persons wishing to assemble in the Designated Free Speech Protest Area must have their applications including the $1,000.00 application fee processed and approved by HSA no later than January 5th. Unlawful assembly by persons without permits will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Those convicted will be housed at the Blackwater Correctional Facility in Maryland. Authorities anticipating a large inmate population increase due to this event have made provisions for the newly convicted "overflow" to be transferred to the Focus on the Family tm. State Prison. FOTF Prison currently houses convicted abortion providers, pro-choice advocates and gay and lesbian activists.

BREAKING NEWS This just in: Coca Cola Armed Forces have announced that they intend to institute a draft as early as next September to counteract the now double digit desertion numbers among their personnel fighting in the Indian Water conflict along the Ganges River. Anonymous sources say that the new order to shoot on sight any Indian women attempting to access water under cover of night has caused the rise in desertion rates among the Coca Cola troops. Coca Cola officials state that the first round of drafts will be instituted in the Palestinian Work Camp (formerly known as Gaza) which is controlled by Israel Goldman .Sachs.

Additional Announcement: Comcast Federal Network will have three broadcast channels available for this evening: Lexipro Channel's 24 hour marathon of American Idol, Exxon Mobil News Channel and Levitra/Celias Inc. Channel's Highlights of ESPN.

So yeah, I feel like sticking my head in for a double wash, extra rinse this bad news shit outta my brain cycle, don't you? But because I have faith in human nature ultimately, if not American nature at this point, I would never opt for the Sylvia Plath method of making it all go away.

But I do believe, THIS time, the Revolution will DEFINITELY NOT be televised.

Child Awakening....Part Two

Part Two Child Awakening

My beloved Grandma died when I was three years old. Just so. I grokked, in the most comprehensive way, that Life was not therefore a Disneyland place as it had somehow been presented to me. Sure, there was Santa Claus and puppies, ice cream, swings, bicycles, hugs and kisses, Mommies and Daddies, but fundamentally, that was all ultimately meaningless in the face of the fact of DEATH. My father told me that when we went on a car ride together after my Grandma’s funeral, I said to him “We are all born to die.” I got it. Did I mention that I became depressed?

Life has a way of making its point, and discovering that point has been my life’s journey. I don’t recall the exact sequence of events right after my Grandma’s death, as they seem to cascade together as a rain of blessing. I will just simply describe them, best as I can without a timeline. All I know for sure is that soon after this SHOCK of the discovery of mortality, I was once again in that place of simple Awareness frequently. One morning in particular remains as a deep impression in my being.

We had these kindly, elderly next door neighbors we called “Grandma and Grandpa Buckley”. They loved my brother and me and we used to go visit them on occasion, without our parents. Nowadays we would call them “cool”. They were relaxed. At any rate, one morning I was at their house and I recall that it was early, bright and sunny and Grandpa Buckley was in his little study area behind some partly opened glass French doors, sitting in his easy chair, smoking his pipe.

I was in the adjacent small dining room, lying on my tummy under the table, looking at the sunbeams on the carpet. As morning light always captivated me, I was simply looking at the “brightness”. Suddenly I sensed a great stillness come over me and beyond me. It was if Time stopped. I sensed Eternity in that moment, as if nothing had ever happened before and there WAS nothing else. The best way I can characterize it was that it felt more REAL and true than how I ordinarily perceived time and reality. A feeling of bliss permeated my being.

Being approximately 4 years old, I had no context for this experience and had no way to convey it to anyone. I simply didn’t speak of it. In fact, I didn’t even feel a desire to tell anyone; it never occurred to me.

Looking back on all of these experiences I can see that it was kind of a set up. The duck pond, my attraction to the bright sunlight there, my joy in simply observing the loveliness was a beginning of contemplation. I was building capacity as it were. Then Grandma died and I was smithereened. I think that was a set up too, for what was to come next.

As to the exact timing of this, as I said, I can't be sure but the following experience DID occur when I was about 4 years old. It was another bright sunny early weekend morning. I remember it was either a Saturday or Sunday because my parents were still in bed sleeping. I had gotten up and dressed myself in a favorite little dress of mine. I can still remember it; a little yellow dress with puffy sleeves.

I made my way into our back yard as it was a beautiful sunny morning and I loved being outdoors on days like that. My next recollection is of standing and gazing at the mountain behind the cemeteries, San Bruno mountain and looking at the way the sun made it look so majestic. Its appearance was so beautiful that I was gazing at it in awe. My guess is that I must have been drawn into one of my, now familiar, contemplative states because suddenly "I" felt expanded in all directions to Infinity. My body felt totally huge and then my point of view shifted to up above the rooftops of my neighborhood. I was looking down at the scene below and yet my body encompassed the entire scene below, it all felt "inside" of "ME" and the thought arose: "I have always been and I always will be." I had the sudden realization, but also recollection really, that "I" was the Source and Self of all that is. I knew, again, that there was no threat, no death, no "other" as I was the only ONE. All people, all processes, all objects, the entire Universe was all ONLY ME. I was "being" everybody and everything! I SAW that it was all only a play, an entertainment even, the Universe was something I was Be-ing in order to PLAY!

It really WAS a remembering and I had the distinct sensation of it only being just a second or two that I'd forgotten. There was a thought like "Oh yes, now I remember how it is..." No sooner than I'd Realized my Self and the Truth of Reality, then I was sort of snapped back into my personal little girl bodymind again.

If I had no context for the other things that had happened to me previously, trust me, I REALLY had no context for this total world shifting experience! I knew it was real, but I also knew I was once again Trudy. I never ever forgot the experience. I never spoke of it, and wouldn't have a context for it, until MUCH later when I learned of Parmahansa Yogananda and his description of Divine Self Realization. Until then I was going to go through many a spiritual winding road before I came across a kindred who could speak of these things.

Child Awakening....Part One

We'll start with being born human, shall we?

I was born in San Francisco on September 2, 1952 at 3:30 p.m. We lived in South San Francisco in a little village type neighborhood situated directly across the road from all of the Cemeteries in Colma. My earliest memories include walking to the cemetery to visit the very large pond there and feeding the ducks. We did that often. We would bring a bag of bread crumbs with us, my brother in his stroller (or was it buggy back then?) and I at my mother's side. I was very impressed with the size and beauty of the cemetery. There was a large arch at the entry way that looked like the opening to a castle. There were beautiful, long rolling lawns with flowers everywhere. There were large crypts which all looked like Greek temples. Gorgeous ionic columns fronted the crypts and multi-colored stained glass windows made kaleidoscopes of color. There were many trees of all different varieties. There were large statues of angels. To my tiny mind and body it was amazing. I loved it there.

Additionally in the 1950’s the road was very quiet. The town was very quiet. Once all the fathers went to work, the neighborhood was left to just the mothers and children. Close to 100% of the mothers stayed home to care for the children in those days. It was a slower and quieter lifestyle. Therefore when we would go to feed the ducks, it was quiet except for the ducks and swans. A few cars would pass by, infrequently. There was no loud highway noise like there is today. I remember the way the sun used to look as it shone over the neighborhood and on the cemetery across the road from the duck pond. It would illuminate the dew in the early mornings, (which was generally when we would be there) and it was casting long shadows on the pond as it rose up over the trees to the east. To me it was an enchanted place. It was so very peaceful.

It was the sunlight that particularly captured my attention; the way it appeared in the quiet early morning hours. A particular response in me began to appear at that age. It began to trigger in me, altered states of consciousness. At least these were my first memories of being so intensely distracted by light that my awareness shifted. At first I noticed was how peaceful I felt at the cemetery duck pond and also there was a sense of expansion as I gazed upon the pond, the scenery, the sunlight on the lawns; I, myself was sort of breathless at the sheer loveliness of it all. I became enraptured, forgetting my little child self’s usual thoughts and concerns. I was transported on a feeling of wonder, awe and love. I suppose I was lost in reverie, but to say that implies I was 'elsewhere', when in fact I felt more present to the actual moment than in my usual state. If my mother or brother spoke to me, then I would sort of snap to, come back to myself just naturally. That phrase! "Come back to myself" says so much! The self I was returning to was personal consciousness, "Trudy" identity. Now I realize that most of us have these moments, the space between thoughts of "I" or "me" or "mine", but they are so subtle they're scarcely noticed.

The next thing I recall from childhood is something so hugely overwhelming I cannot adequately describe it. By no means do I assume that circumstances in my life are any more intense, exalted, grievous than those in anyone ELSE's life, but I can only reflect upon my own process. Please know that I deeply acknowledge what the "all of us" go through, even if my personal experiences are vastly dissimilar or similar. That said, I'll continue.

Let me set the stage a bit. As a small child, my chief characteristic was that of quiet observer. Both parents attested to that, however it was my father who accepted it and understood. I didn't have much time with him, however as he was gone each day to work. I DID have my one and only grandmother, my mother's mother (my dad had been raised in an orphanage) who was the light of my life. We were simpatico, we could ride the same "wave" as it were. I had a deep sense that she "groked" me. Where my mother was very concerned with the details of life; the particulars, all of the worrisome "do's" and "don'ts" of 1950's housewifery...(oy!) my grandmother was a much more relaxed human being. I recall sitting on her lap gazing out of our dining room window onto our front lawn where flocks of blackbirds would be eating the bread crumbs we'd put out for them each morning. (Oh yes, oh yes, we kept the neighborhood birds flush with Wonder Bread on BOTH sides of the highway!) She and I would sit peacefully, not saying much, perhaps simply "Look...." Both of us were one with the experience of the birds.

When Grandma would come to visit she took the streetcar then a bus, down the old El Camino Real to South City and my mother, brother and I would walk to the bus stop to wait for her. When she stepped off of the bus, it felt like Christmas to me...I was so thrilled that she was there. My heart felt near to bursting. We'd walk the few blocks to our house and Grandma would take off her coat and sometimes reach into her pocket and pull out a piece of gum for me. Gum! Gum was not on the shopping list at our house I can assure you! But when Grandma gave it to me, my mother would let me have it. Grandma had such an easy way about her, she always had a smile for me and her eyes were so kind. She exuded peace and serenity even though, I know now, her life with my grandfather was anything BUT peaceful, but that's a story for another day. I can't remember too much of our doings together during her visits; what has impressed me deeply, and did then, was how I FELT in her presence. Now I know it was being in the presence of unconditional love. She had it, she gave it, she WAS it. When she was there, I felt nourished. My soul was fed, nurtured, supported. What can one experience with another human being greater than this? So that was my Grandma. Life with my mother? Not so much....she, poor thing, had issues; a nervous temperament, a mis-matched marriage, gaps within her, those emotional gaps which make for lack of understanding of others. I loved my mother, I truly did, but it was Grandma who was my support, my ally, the Friend of my heart.

Of course you can guess what's coming....we all have our mellow dramas and this was mine. Yes, she died, suddenly and abruptly. I was still just three years old when my parents told me that Grandma had died. Strangely, I'd already had a convoluted premonition that Grandma was soon to die. Several months before that, she sprained her ankle and was on crutches and when I saw that...her standing on a corner on Church Street in SF with her ankle bandaged, crutches under her arms...I suddenly thought "oh no! Grandma might die from this! Grandma might die SOON!" The fear did not leave me. I became aware of her vulnerability somehow, even though, no one had spoken to me "officially" about death and I'm quite sure I didn't "get" it yet. Quite sure.

When my parents did tell me that Grandma had died, I asked if she was coming back ever. My father said "No, dying means that we will never, ever see Grandma again. She's gone and she is never coming back." Blow to my chest! Thud to the gut! Bodily shock! My little mind was trying to wrap around this fact. I asked my father "Does everyone die???" He replied "Everyone dies, we all die someday." Oh....can I explain the Existential Earthquake this knowledge rendered? My psychological and emotional Heart eyes flew wide open and I SAW. Oh. My. God! The generalization took place, that wonderful human feat that separates us from the apes...extrapolation. Suddenly I saw and thought "This place, this realm (not in those exact words mind you, but this is the GIST) is a place where anyone you love can be gone in an instant. Ripped away! This place is not as advertised and represented everywhere as "life"....this is a Hell realm...a place of suffering and we're all headed to more suffering. I got it: Impermanence. First Buddhist Teaching. Life is Suffering. I was in Existential crisis and became deeply depressed.

ObamaRama

It's ObamaRama today. Historic for so many reasons. The youth vote, the African American vote, the anti-war vote, the Universal healthcare vote, the Education vote, the Labor vote, the Pro-choice vote.....the list goes on. My question: Is Barack Obama really going to carry water for ALL of these constituents?

A couple of months ago, I was all excited and twitter-pated when Obama won the election. A big part of my "glow" came from the significance of his election to the African American community AND to those of us who have struggled against racism within our own circles of family and friends, for decades. His election felt like a huge and heavy page turning at last. Stopping McCain was good, that was good.....definitely felt good. I was represented in all of the "special interests" who voted for Obama, being anti-war, pro-choice, pro-Education, pro-Labor etc. His victory was great for me in that regard.

Since November, however I have been reading and researching and digging into some areas that have left me with a sense that all might not be as it seems or appears; the appointment of Rahm Emmanuel being the biggest clue. Also the retention of Robert Gates.

I am just hoping and praying (in my non-denominational way) that we won't be singing that old Who song, before long: "Won't be Fooled Again", the refrain being:

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

I've got the jitters.....and it's not just this big cup of Peets coffee I've been drinking. Time to do some major spiritual re-alignment or I could go into a permanent funk. Having just read in the BBC news that nervous, stressed out people tend to get dementia by a margin of 50% over people who are calm, I've got incentive!

Good luck to ALL of us! Peace and good will to all sentient and non-sentient beings! That includes YOU Mr. Obama, may your ObamaRama inspire you to the depths of your soul to really BE all that you can BE in service to the ALL in All.

A Jewish Rabbi tells the Truth about Palestine and Gaza

I am so happy, so relieved, so grateful to hear this sane man's beautiful words about Judaism. It is true that Iran has been a good host to Jewish people. They even have museums and Jewish synagogues and all sorts of Jewish groups alive and well in Iran.

A little too Kind

For the whole law is fulfilled in one word,
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Galatians 5:14

I have wept in the night
For the shortness of sight
That to somebody`s need made me blind;

But I have never yet
Felt a tinge of regret
For being a little too kind.

anonymous

Congressman Dennis Kucinich Tells it like it IS

US Congressman: Israel war violations 'deliberate'

Congressman Kucinich: America arming Israel with weapons that are used against Palestinian civilians.

PACIFICA – Israel must take the responsibility for its attacks on Palestinian civilians in Gaza, said Congress member Dennis Kucinich of Ohio, during an interview with Democracy Now! on Monday.

"When you look at what the targets of the attacks have been, you know, the Israeli army is given a lot of credit for its precision, so when UN schools are hit, the American university there, when you look at the damage or destruction of the Red Cross’s efforts there, you have to come to an understanding that this is deliberate. This isn’t accidental. Accidents can happen in war, but when you’re using that kind of destructive power, you have to take the responsibility for the consequences of it," said Congressman Kucinich.

"There’s no question there’s a use of disproportionate force here, and no amount of reasoning or attempt to try to take the side of Israel is going to remove that single fact," he added.

"Just look at the numbers. Look at the destruction. I mean, believe what you see with your eyes. And that’s, I suppose, one of the reasons why the Israeli government doesn’t want the media to get in there. When you tell civilians to go to a house to be protected, and then you shell that house, I mean, what does that say?" Asked the Congressman.

Congressman Kucinich said the US must make sure that its military aid to Israel will not continue to be used against the civilian population in Gaza.

"Not only F-16 jets, Apache helicopters, but now we’re seeing white phosphorus used against the people in Gaza. This should be a great concern to every person in this country, because of the amount of money that we’re giving to Israel," said the US Congressman.

Such use is even in violations of the US conditions.

"In 1976, Congress passed a law that says that if the United States is going to give arms to another country, that it can attach and does attach conditions that says that those arms are transmitted under the condition, first of all, that they’re used for defensive purposes only, and second, that they not be used to escalate a preexisting conflict. On both of those cases, I think that Israel has failed," noted Congressman Kucinich.

But Israel seems to be encouraged by Washington.

"The Bush administration encouraged Israel to continue the aggression that occurred in South Lebanon that resulted in, the closing days of that war, the destruction of South Lebanon, which is one of the reasons why I’m concerned about what might happen yet in Gaza in the closing days of this current war," said Congressman Kucinich.

The US Congressman also addressed the root cause of the conflict - Israel's occupation of the Palestinian territories.

"You have to go back to the blockade and the occupation, and you have to look at Israel’s conduct in the West Bank, as well. I mean, if Israel was so gentle with the people of Gaza, you look at the West Bank and look at what’s happened there," he explained.

But - outside the US - Israel has failed justify its violence.

"The whole world is watching this, and the world understands what’s happening. You know, no amount of attempt to rationalize this violence in Gaza is going to work for Israel," he said.

On the timing of the Israeli assault, Congressman Kucinich said: "Israel has a lot of talent, very bright people running their government. They chose to use violence. They chose it on the eve of a presidential inauguration in the United States. They’re trying to take advantage of this situation, because they know the Bush administration couldn't care less about international law."

Both the House and Senate passed non-binding resolutions last week in Washington, D.C., overwhelmingly supporting Israel’s offensive in Gaza.

On Thursday, the Senate passed the resolution by a unanimous voice vote. The House voted on a similar bill Friday.

The measure passed by a vote of 390 for, five against, twenty-two representatives voting “present.”

Democratic Congress member Dennis Kucinich of Ohio is one of the five members of the House to vote against the resolution.

UK weighs in on Israel, the MPs of Parliament Furious

From the News.scotsman.com, this article today:

Cross-party fury of MPs at Israel





Published Date: 13 January 2009
By Gerri Peev

BRITISH MPs yesterday lined up to give their strongest condemnation yet of Israel's actions in Gaza, branding Ehud Olmert's government "mass murderers" and calling for the country to face sanctions.
David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, faced cross-party demands for Israel's ambassador to be expelled from London and for Britain to recall its representative from Tel Aviv.

The strongest criticism in the one hour session, that followed a statement from the Foreign Secretary, came from Sir Gerald Kaufman, a former Labour minister, who is Jewish.

Directing his fury at the Israeli prime minister, foreign minister and defence minister, he said: "Olmert, (Tzipi] Livni and (Ehud] Barak are mass murderers, war criminals and bring shame on the Jewish people whose Star of David they use as a badge in Gaza."

He suggested the British government would have taken a more strident tone if it had been Hamas who had "slaughtered 900 Israelis".

Peter Kilfoyle, a former Labour defence minister, also accused Israel of "state-sponsored terrorism" and urged the government to ensure no arms were exported to the country.

Sir Menzies Campbell, the former Liberal Democrat leader, said if any other democratic state had behaved in the same way, it would be faced with economic sanctions.

Michael Howard, the former Conservative leader, took a swipe at the outgoing Bush administration's lack of progress on the Middle East and said there was a "glimmer of hope on the horizon" with the election of Barack Obama, the US president-elect.

"It is only the president of the US who has the means to secure the concessions from both sides that are necessary to achieve a viable Palestinian state and a lasting settlement," he said.

Chris Mullin, a former Foreign Office minister, said "These are war crimes that we are witnessing in Gaza.

"Britain should start talking with EU allies about sanctions and "at the very least to stop selling them weapons and, perhaps, the withdrawal of our ambassador".

Mr Miliband rejected calls for severing diplomatic ties and imposing sanctions, saying this would simply isolate Israel. However, he called for abuse allegations made by both sides to be investigated.

He added that there was "no evidence" that UK weapons were used by the Israeli defence force in the latest attacks.

Protests in UK.....Our Media won't cover US protests

Yesterday morning as I was sweeping the leaves at our school, I was wondering "Where are all of the Bu-Jews? Why are they not out and protesting?" I remember during the Viet Nam war, some Buddhist monks set themselves on fire to protest against the war. Buddhists have traditionally been against wars of all kinds. This kind of violence, where state of the art military is raining down terror on a population TRAPPED like fish in a barrel would seem to be so outrageous that pacifists of ALL kinds would be out in the streets.

Jewish people, some friends of mine in fact, have turned to Buddhism as a philosophy, have been on Buddhist retreats in fact. I know of some Jews who have embraced Buddhism to the point of becoming nuns and monks and/or writing books about the practice. So many Jewish folks convert that they are affectionately called "Bu-Jews". Yesterday morning I was asking the question of the Universe: "Where are the Bu-Jews?" In fact, where are the protesters altogether?

In a conversation with a friend yesterday I discovered that yes, there ARE protests going on, it is just that OUR US MEDIA DOESN'T DEEM IT NEWSWORTHY to cover it, in print or broadcast. They learned that lesson in Viet Nam. "Don't show actual wars, don't show people's outrage." Have glossy graphics with new scrawl as a talking head describes a white wash version, the official party line slant on it all. In passing they'll mention that some people were protesting but they always cast the protesters in the light of "kooks" "fringe" "extremists", all descriptions being pejorative AND they'll always mention ANY violence on the part of the protesters, even if it is one window broken. The whole idea being that Americans are so damned attached to "private property" that any damage that may occur to this holy of holies de-legitimizes ANY intent or purpose or message of the protesters. It's sort of an innoculation process; TV news viewers are supposed to be so put off that they'll NEVER take the protests seriously EVER.

I went on the hunt for news stories about protests that DID get broadcast and I found one in London, UK, where a former UK Ambassador to Uzbakistan, Craig Murray grabs a loudspeaker and speaks his mind and heart. I've posted it here:

It's All.....Too Beautiful

Over bridge of sighs
To rest my eyes in shades of green
Under dreamin' spires
To Itchycoo Park, that's where I've been

What did you do there?
I got high
What did you feel there?
Well I cried
But why the tears then?
I'll tell you why
It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful

I feel inclined to blow my mind
Get hung up feed the ducks with a bun
They all come out to groove about
Be nice and have fun in the sun

I'll Tell you what I'll do (what will you do?)
I'd like to go there now with you
You can miss out school (won't that be cool)
Why got to learn the words of fools
What will we do there?
We'll get high
What will we touch there?
We'll Touch the sky
But why the tears there?
I'll tell you why

It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful

I feel inclined to blow my mind
Get hung up feed the ducks with a bun
They all come out to groove about
Be nice and have fun in the sun

It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
Ha! It's all too beautiful

How to Create MORE Islamic Extremists....

If ever there was any doubt, that the West's unconditional support of Israel fomented more violence in the Middle East, the latest developments in Israel and Gaza are the perfect case in point.

For the slow learners in the Republican party, any straggling Neo-Con sympathizers out there I offer below, an excerpt from today's NY Times article on the anger in Egypt. It's growing. It's predictable and it's understandable.

I have railed against Israel's blatant military blitz on the Palestinian people in other posts, so I will assume my position on that is clear and a given on the prison camp that is Gaza. What I want to say is that in my opinion, the Palestinian plight is THE issue of this century. Unless and until the Palestinian people have their OWN SOVEREIGN nation in their own land, going back to the 1967 borders, there will be no Peace possible in the Middle East. Period. THAT is the crux of the matter. Forget oil, forget "strategies" of the West and it's military fantasies about bases, control of resources etc. It's about Palestine.

US support and funding of Israel makes us a TARGET. Period. WE are part of the problem and the Muslim world KNOWS it. Iran knows it. Syria knows it. For sure, the people in the streets of Egypt KNOW it. Now they also know that their government, being allied with Israel is part of the problem too. From the NY Times:

Nowhere in the Arab world is the gap between the street and the government so wide as here in Egypt, which has a peace treaty with Israel and has refused to allow free passage of goods and people through its border with Gaza, a decision that has been attacked by Islamic and Arab leaders and proved deeply troubling to many Egyptians. And so the government of President Hosni Mubarak appeared to lean back on its standard formula for preserving authority at Friday Prayer, relying on its security forces to keep calm on the street and government religious institutions like Al Azhar to try to appease public sentiment, in this case by lashing out at the Jews in response to Gaza.

“The pressure is mounting on Egypt,” said Abdel Raouf el-Reedy, a former Egyptian ambassador to the United States. “How come you keep the Israeli ambassador here? How come you keep the Egyptian ambassador in Israel? How come you still export gas to Israel in spite of a court order to stop? The system is on the defensive. Public opinion is more clearly on the side of Hamas.”

The mood on the streets of Cairo feels somber, dark, dejected. There is a heavy security presence. Armed riot police officers are massed outside of professional organizations, like the Doctor’s Syndicate, that are often run by members aligned with the Muslim Brotherhood, the officially outlawed but tolerated Islamic movement. Massive troop carriers clog small side streets.

Over three days of interviews here, people seemed deflated about the public criticism their country had received, let down by the failure of their own government to help the Palestinians and sickened by the deaths of hundreds of Palestinians, not only combatants but many women and children as well. Over and over, Egyptians said they felt the only ones they could trust were the Islamists — not their government.

There you have it. The Islamic religionists are going to rise to more prominence. They are the only ones speaking out, forcefully against the actions of Israel. They are earning more and more legitimacy and respect everyday. Is that what we want? It's not what I want; being a woman, I have to say the idea of Medieval religionists seeking to create a Caliphate gaining more power is not in MY best interest or the interest of women everywhere. However, I can understand how this is happening. Our greedy, stupid, callous, paranoid Western stance on Israel/Palestine is the fuel for the propulsion of Islamic fundamentalism. It IS that simple.

Bruce Cockburn - Rocket Launcher

My dear friend Millie and I had a conversation last night, about the necessity of keeping our attention centered in the positive. She said that for every evil we witness or hear about, we need to balance it out with five positive, grateful, thankful, blessed thoughts...she said the ratio is 5/1. She is probably right. Last night, I agreed. Today I heard that Israel had bombed a UN medical aid convoy, yesterday as well as a Red Cross mission. I've been knowing about them bombing ambulances, but tried not to think about it.

Today, I ask myself, do we just continue to look away and play "let's pretend"? Huh? Is that what we do? All us "speer chill" people? At some point do we stand up and fight back? At least, have the emotions of wanting to fight back? The old saying "if these were your kids dying...." They ARE our kids dying!! They are OUR kids! The whole world is YOU. The whole world.......is....you.

Gaza Today.....a blog I am now Following...

In order to gain some balanced perspective, I have begun following a blog of a fellow who I heard interviewed on Democracy Now, on Free Radio Santa Cruz. His name is Sameh Akram Habeeb.

It's an eye-opener to hear the raw story coming out of Gaza. It certainly tells a different tale than the official news from the alphabet channels, ABC etc. Now the front page story on the NY Times is that the U.N. and the Red Cross are de-crying the humanitarian crisis in Gaza. My question is, WHEN is the U.N. going to get some teeth? They have produced over 100 "resolutions" scolding Israel and that is what it amounts to; a verbal slap on the wrist. It's a non-event.

My second question is: Where is the outrage from the Democrats in Congress? Third question: WHY is everyone in Washington so freaking scared of AIPAC????!!!!

You can access Gaza Today by clicking on the link in "Favorites"

Oxford Professor and Former Israeli Military Man Speaks Out about Gaza

Oxford Professor of international relations Avi Shlaim has written an excellent background piece which analyzes the on-going situation in Gaza from its inception. A good history lesson for those who are interested in how the US is complicit in this, BEYOND just "diplomacy" and the $4 billion in annual aid given to the state of Israel.


I wish the incoming Obama administration would meet with this guy. Condi Rice and the Busheviks should get out of this picture NOW. For further reading, here is link to article:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jan/07/gaza-israel-palestine